Monday, May 20, 2013

Huffington Post Pick-Up

Well this is fun! The Huffington Post published my blog post entitled High Hopes on the front page of their Parent's section. You can read it here on The Kids Made Me Fat, or if you're feeling adventurous, you can wonder on over to the Post and check it out!

Monday, May 13, 2013

Happy Mother's Day.

The day after Hadley was born, there was a moment in the hospital where I allowed myself to imagine her growing older. 

The idea was unbearable, and I started to cry. Suddenly this 6lb baby girl seemed incredibly heavy and holding her was like holding the weight of world in my arms. 

I loved her. Really really loved her.

I loved her so much and I was instantly terrified. I was afraid. 

I feared for her and all of pain that she would inevitably feel -  the pain of name-calling, the pain of being picked last in gym, the pain of a broken heart, the pain of disappointment, and just all the pains of being human. 

I couldn't bear that she would feel any of it. I wanted nothing but joy for her - anything else seemed unacceptable.

Justin took a picture of that moment when I was holding my daughter and crying like a banshee.  When he showed it to me, I said it would never see the light of day - I looked hideous. Well, motherhood is the cure for vanity.

I recently came across that picture on our hard drive and, I wasn't horrified by my puffy face or my streaming tears but felt lucky to have that momemt captured on fim. That was the moment that my heart opened up to love her - my new daughter. That was the moment that she became a piece of me.

Happy Mother's Day. 

Thursday, May 2, 2013

There Goes The Neighborhood

Justin and the children examining The Hole.
So, we're building a house. No, I mean we're not building it - can you imagine? Justin and I with hammers and 2x4s? We'd probably beat each other with both before we ever managed to assemble any sort of structure. We struggle to assemble a nightly meal. So I suppose a more accurate statement would be: We're having a house built.

I lovingly, and accurately, refer to it as the hole. As it stands today, it is a hole in the ground....soon it will have walls, a roof, a porch - but today it is a hole which is quite fitting as I feel, perhaps, I am falling into a hole - an uncertain future - perhaps one containing divorce and foreclosure. Or perhaps, this hole will be our happily ever after. But today, it is a just a hole and one that is completely overwhelming me.

Today, after a big budget breaking bomb was dropped in my lap, I  thought seriously about calling the whole thing off. Could they just fill the hole back up? Could I change my mind? I'm really fine where I am...there's a roof over my head - what more could I want?

But I think it's full steam ahead, and with any luck, my mind and budget will stay on track. Framing starts next week.

Today I went to check out the hole and met our future neighbor. Nice guy. Talented guy.

ME: Where do you work?

NEIGHBOR: Oh, I'm a mental health professional. So is my wife.

ME: Oh hot damn! Are you serious? When can I get drunk and come over? I have a few issues.

NEIGHBOR.......Silence. Followed by a worried stare. 

I might have scared him off  - for now -  but I'm super stoked. I've got my own mental health professional right in my backyard - this has got to be a sign that God, does, indeed, provide.

Say I do actually lose it and decide to throw myself in our hole? Well, maybe the neighbor, if he's feeling at all neighborly, can just talk me right off the ledge.

Later, I found out that not only are the new neighbors mental health professionals, but one of them specializes in children.  Hot diggity dog, we have hit the new neighbor lottery!

Its about time I got some professional help raising these kids.

The neighbors will now be my ace-in-the-hole threat.

"Really? Another tantrum? That's it. I'm sending you to the neighbor's. He'll talk some sense into you."

I think I might have to bring this lovely couple a baked good of sorts and welcome myself to their neighborhood. I also think I'll give them a card - signed as follows:

"So nice to meet you and we're so happy that we're going to be neighbors. If you hear any loud screaming - don't concern yourself too much - my kids do that - often.  Speaking of the kids, if one happens to get loose, you can return them or keep them for awhile - whatever works. Hope you're ready, because here comes crazy."

Yours - The Rumbach Family