Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Scary Baby Buys

I'm a gadget mom. I can't help it. 

I think new gear takes the monotony out of child care. My husband would say that I'm not taking the momotony out of anything - I'm just taking money out of the bank. But no matter, there is nothing more fun than if I, oh uh ummm...I mean the baby has a new toy/cup/food/outfit/diaper/shoe/pacifier/bottle/stroller/highchair/bouncy seat/bib/bath wash/book/hat/jumper/teething ring.

I go completely gaga over the latest and greatest baby gadgets. Babies R Us (or The Baby Stupid Store as I like to call it) is paradise to me. Plant me in an aisle with some of the latest and greatest sippy cups and just leave me there to die happy! I love it. 

However, there are some products that even I can't be suckered into. Check it out.

Really? If you're SO scared that your precious little baby is going to hit his head while learning to crawl, you might want to start looking into a good therapist for both you and your child. Baby hitting his head is going to be the least of his problems if his parents think this gadget is a good idea.

Ok, yes, teaching your child to wipe his/her ass isn't always good clean fun. But, I'm thinking it might be better to let him get a little messy and do it the right way than instructing him to wipe with a mitten! Do you want your kid to think that mittens are intended for ass wiping? NO! Use toilet paper people! 

These hands are meant to be placed on baby to help him baby feel "secure" while sleeping. If your baby is crying, dear parents, it might be because he's scared out of his mind by these disembodied hands! 

You know those pictures you pay a fortune for so you can always remember what your little baby looked like? Well how about clipping on some fake bangs? Because, well, a bald baby is just SOOOO unsightly.

Just in case you don't have time to take your kid to the bathroom, there is always The Pee Pee Bottle. Just throw them the bottle and let them go in the car, park, grocery store - where ever! The Pee Pee Bottle is SO portable and as an added bonus, it can be personalized.

Well, you've got to have this. Now you can sling your little one on the back of the bathroom stall so he can stare at you while you do your business. However, by the time you've wrangled him in the thing, you've pissed your pants.

Yeah, babies smell like poop and vomit but COME ON! Babies smell so sweet and lovely all on their own as long as you bathe them once in awhile. But for all you parents where a bath might be out of the question...There is a perfume available. And here I thought perfume was just a necessity for unshowered mommies!

8.  The Snozzie
So you can wear boogers around your wrist all day....

You know, I'm still pretty pissed off that my mom didn't save my placenta for me. 

Is your child asking where babies come from? For only $150 why not scare the ever-loving hell out of them with this?


  1. Wow, some of those are crazy!

    New follower from MBC :)


  2. OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!! again - posted to my FB wall - SO FUNNY!!!!

  3. hahahaaha! Wow, these are some interesting products for sure! Someone was just telling me about those hands at a baby shower and remarking what a good idea they thought they were.

  4. OMG! That is the funniest blog I have ever read!!! LMAO, good job!

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