Wal-Mart.

This is what I did today.

Enough said.

A Drinking Problem.

I love wine. There's nothing better than a glass (or two or three) of cabernet on a Saturday night to end the week. Lately though, the wine just hasn't been doing it for me. I'll have a few sips and just want to go to bed. Perhaps its because I'm getting older or it might be that the baby gets me up at 5:30 every day but no matter, I've decided I need a new drink.

I hate beer, which is ironic considering that my husband is the founder and president of The Dubois County Suds Club (yes, this truly exists), so I've decided my new drink must be a spirit of sorts. I'm going with rum and coke. I can remember having it a few times in college and I think it went pretty well - maybe????  So yes, I'm going with that. Rum and Coke it is.

I informed my husband of my new drink plan, and he seemed a little hesitant.

"You're going to drink liquor?" He asked. "Like out in public?"

I told him that was the plan. I would be ordering my new drink at dinner that night.

He response was as follows: "We might need to try this plan of yours at home first before you take that show on the road."

Really?!?!?! You wanna see a show? You should see the show I put on daily trying to get the kids fed and ready for school. If I want to go have a drink or two tonight for dinner - I suggest you just sit back, watch and be amazed that I don't drink all day. Cheers!

What Stinks?

   There is a lot of talk about poop at my house. My goodness, I've hit the bottom of the blogger barrel here haven't I? No matter, poop seems to be a prevailing topic of conversation in our household.

Hadley, age 2, taking a seat with her stuffed animals on her potty.

Here are the daily poop quips. From my home to yours - with love. 

"Smell the baby. Did he poop?" 
"The baby pooped."
"Do you smell poop?"
"Who pooped?"
"Mommy my stomach hurts," says child. "Do you have to poop?" says Mommy.
"Carry out the poopy diapers"
"There's poop in the litter box."
"Who didn't flush? There is poop in the toilet."
"Cameron, you're such a poop-head!" 
"God, turn on the fan in there - it smells like poop."
"Mommmmyyyyyy, I poooooooped."

I can remember with great affection how Justin and I used to be polite enough not to fart in front of one another. Our comfort level with bodily functions has increased dramatically since those good old gas free days. These days its considered polite to take an extra turn wiping a child's butt. Where did the romance go? Well, what can I say - Sh*t happens. 

Birth Control Mobile

   Mini vans are not cool. No matter how you slice, cut or swagger it, there is nothing hip about a minivan. That being said, I drive one. I was force-fed the Kool-Aid.

   When I was pregnant with Jack, our third, my husband was adament about trading in the Highlander for a Sienna. He wisely waited until I was 9 months pregnant in the middle of August to really push the subject. At that point, all of my energy and focus was not on preparing for the new baby - but on finding different ways to eat salami. So when he brought up the subject of a minivan for the upteenth time, I finally said,
   "Mmm Hmmmm, yeah - get whatever," between bites of a salami, mayo and pickle roll-up.
   Thats how I wound up with a mini - I was in a salami-nitrate haze.

   I was driven to the hospital to have Jack in our Highlander. I was driven home in the "pre-owned but new to us" swagger wagon. I barely noticed. I was in baby bliss and possibly still high from all the medications - I had begged for every drug on the menu. I could have been wheeled home in a Radio Flyer and wouldn't have noticed. However, once the baby powder settled, I looked out the window and screamed to my husband, "JUSTIN!!!! Some middle-aged person with three kids has parked her van in our driveway!!!"

   Of course, I was kidding. I obviously knew we had the van. However, it was weeks before I REALLY knew we had the van. What was he thinking? Did he really want to be have sex with someone who drove a mini-van? He had obviously realized that with a third baby that sex was pretty much out of the question for the forseeable future and just threw caution to the wind when he ordered up that birth-control mobile. Nothing is less sexy than a mini-van.

On a side note - it's worth mentioning that our particular mini-van was pre-owned by a funeral director. Isn't that fantastic? Nothing says nice family vehicle like the image of cremated remains.

I've been driving the mini for about 6 months now and while I don't LOVE it, I can't complain. They are incredibly convenient. I do, however, have one minor problem. I can NEVER find our van in the parking lot after school. I roam around lost in a sea of swagger wagons - pulling on random doors trying to get in. I'm always hitting the unlock button on the keys to try to find our ride, but every other mother lost in the sea of minis is doing the same thing. I'm thinking I need to trick my van out with some sort of miniture stuffed animal on the antenna (perhaps a Garfield) to aleviate this problem.

By now, we've all seen this video - but does it ever really get old? I think not.

And one more - just for fun...