Thursday, February 2, 2012

Saaaaaay Stirrups!

Yesterday I received a friendly phone call from my gynecologist's office reminding me about my appointment today. Like I could forget. 

It was like a dark cloud hanging over my week. I was well aware that on Thursday, I'd be hitting the stirrups. 

I was instructed to arrive ten minutes early as they were converting their files to a new electronic system, and I would need to fill out paperwork and have my picture taken.  Ok, wait - what? Picture?

I hoped they meant a picture of my face and not my vagina. Surely my doctor (who I think is fantastic) wasn't using file photos of his patients anatomy to identify them.....or maybe he was? Kind of like flashcards? 

Was a picture really all that necessary? What did they need a picture for? Who did they think they were - The Gynecological BMV? Were they going to hand me a license? A license to operate a vagina? After three kids, I'm pretty sure I'm vaginally legit.

However, seeing as that I really liked my doctor, I figured I would cooperate. 

Cooperation though proved to be difficult. As I got dressed, I realized I didn't know what to wear for my gynecologist file photo. This isn't the type of fashion situation that I've ever seen addressed in InStyle.

Would this be a full body shot? Shoulders up? It felt a little like school picture day. I changed my outfit three times. 

I felt like Goldilocks trying to get it jussssst right....only there wasn't any porridge or warm bed in my future - just a pap smear. 

Turns out the photo wasn't any big deal. It wasn't even like a real camera - it looked like a scanner, and the receptionist didn't even get out of her seat - she scanned me through her front Plexiglas window like a bar code.  Really? I didn't even get to say Cheese? Or Stirrups? Some photo shoot this turned out to be. Major Disappointment!

I might have taken a wrong turn somewhere in life. I must have made a wrong decision somewhere along the way, because somehow the decisions I have made have led me to being disappointed by the "photo shoot" at my gynecologist's office.

Oh well, at least I had that pap smear to cheer me up. 


  1. Hee hee! Oh my goodness, you crack me up! I love how cheeky and witty you are in your posts. I'm such a fan of yours. (Sorry for never commenting...yep, I'm one of "THOSE" people, I guess.) Thank you so much for the laugh! I'm such a fan of yours. Have a happy, "stirrup free," vaginally sound (what does THAT mean?), wonderful weekend!

  2. WHY IN THE HELL DID I SAY, "I"M SUCH A FAN OF YOURS," TWICE?!?!!! I think I need to go to bed! HA!

  3. Vaginally sound - yes, that sounds fantastic - I'll go with that! And, hey, you can say you're a fan as many times as you'd like :) Have a great weekend!