Saaaaaay Stirrups!

Yesterday I received a friendly phone call from my gynecologist's office reminding me about my appointment today. Like I could forget. 


It was like a dark cloud hanging over my week. I was well aware that on Thursday, I'd be hitting the stirrups. 


I was instructed to arrive ten minutes early as they were converting their files to a new electronic system, and I would need to fill out paperwork and have my picture taken.  Ok, wait - what? Picture?


I hoped they meant a picture of my face and not my vagina. Surely my doctor (who I think is fantastic) wasn't using file photos of his patients anatomy to identify them.....or maybe he was? Kind of like flashcards? 


Was a picture really all that necessary? What did they need a picture for? Who did they think they were - The Gynecological BMV? Were they going to hand me a license? A license to operate a vagina? After three kids, I'm pretty sure I'm vaginally legit.


However, seeing as that I really liked my doctor, I figured I would cooperate. 


Cooperation though proved to be difficult. As I got dressed, I realized I didn't know what to wear for my gynecologist file photo. This isn't the type of fashion situation that I've ever seen addressed in InStyle.


Would this be a full body shot? Shoulders up? It felt a little like school picture day. I changed my outfit three times. 


I felt like Goldilocks trying to get it jussssst right....only there wasn't any porridge or warm bed in my future - just a pap smear. 


Turns out the photo wasn't any big deal. It wasn't even like a real camera - it looked like a scanner, and the receptionist didn't even get out of her seat - she scanned me through her front Plexiglas window like a bar code.  Really? I didn't even get to say Cheese? Or Stirrups? Some photo shoot this turned out to be. Major Disappointment!


I might have taken a wrong turn somewhere in life. I must have made a wrong decision somewhere along the way, because somehow the decisions I have made have led me to being disappointed by the "photo shoot" at my gynecologist's office.


Oh well, at least I had that pap smear to cheer me up.