My iPhone apps like to f@#k with me. Yesterday, I got this alert:
I laughed, nervously, out loud. Was it kidding? What in the world? Did we even have sex?
Oh yeah, there was that night with the vodka sunrises.... I looked back at the calendar - no, according to the app, conception wasn't possible then - unless of course, the app malfunctioned. Can I sue the app? Is there a disclaimer somewhere? Can I sue for child support?
Or what if the app was right on and it was me that malfunctioned and I ovulated early or something?? What if I really malfunctioned released like 3 eggs and am now having triplets. Damn app. Damn vodka sunrises.
Worry not. The fact that I'm alive and can write this post is evidence that I am not pregnant.
If I were pregnant, I could be found at the bottom of the river - as my grandmother told me last week, "Abbie, you get pregnant again you might as well walk out into the river till your hat floats."