Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Marc Jacobs and McDonalds

When summer began, I had three pairs of sunglasses. I'm now down to one. 

I've managed to hang on to my favorite pair - the Marc Jacob lenses that I bought in Las Vegas. 

These were a clearance rack purchase, but were still easily the most I've ever spent on a pair of sunglasses. I think I was woozy from the Vegas heat, because moms should never wear sunglasses that cost more than $9.99. 

To prove my point....

Today, I was in McDonald's Playland with Cameron and Jack.

We were having a good time in the ketchup/grease-scented bacteria trap, but it was time to go - Jack was crawling up strangers legs and spitting chewed-up cheeseburger chunks. I grabbed my keys, phone and - wait! - where were my sunglasses? 

I looked through the diaper bag, through my purse, under the table and then accused Cameron of swiping them. Suddenly it hit me - they were in the damn trash. I had placed them on the tray and must have tossed them when I was cleaning up.

I handed Jack over to my poor friend (who might now require chiropractic care, as she wasn't used to wrestling the 30lb eleven-month-old toddler man-child) and headed to the trash.

I pulled the can out & well, it was pretty gross. An older woman came to assist me (because she was crazy? I don't know...) and essentially told me to suck it up because if I could care for kids, then I could dig through a trash can. 

I suppose she was right, so I kept digging, and soon I found them - dripping in ketchup and salad dressing. 

As I turned around, I was met by laughing and pointing toddlers who seemed to get quite a kick out of the dumpster-diving side show.

Later, I felt ill. That trash can didn't just contain my sunglasses - I'm pretty sure it contained some sort of chicken-nugget virus. The bird flu, probably. Yes, I'm sure that's it. I now have the bird-flu. Thank you Vegas heat and thank you Marc Jacobs.   

I will hence-forth be purchasing my shades at the Hucks Food & Fuel Station.

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