Every year, for the past three years, I have eaten South Beach Cereal Bars for breakfast. Breakfast for me includes a South Beach Bar, a Diet Big Red and a little tab Zoloft on the side. Yes, I am the epitome of good heath - don't be jealous.
I like routine. I thrive on order. I'm a bit of a Rain Man. Don't throw me any curveballs - I'll likely miss.
But this weekend when Wal-Mart didn't have my bars in stock, it was no big thing. I'd just go to another store. Then I guess another - and another. Where in the EFF are my bars? Seriously was this a cosmic joke?
What's even more disconcerting is that they are sold out on Amazon. If Wal-Mart doesn't have them and Amazon doesn't have them.....its not looking good.
All week, I have just forgone breakfast deciding that if I couldn't have my bars then I didn't want anything at all. I'm very mature.
This went well until today when I totally flipped my lid around 10am. I dropped the girls off at swim lessons and was so ravenously hungry, I couldn't take it. My stomach was screaming - not for a South Beach Bar - but for a McDonalds cheeseburger. It was a craving so strong that the mini-van willed its way to the drive-through.
I pull on up and ordered myself up a cheeseburger only to be told that they wouldn't serve lunch until 10:30. Well holy hell - this just sent me over the edge and I called Justin at work to vent.
Me (in a wailing, starving, pleading tone): Justin!!!! The universe has ran out of South Beach Bars and McDonalds refuses to serve me a cheeseburger, and I'm just really going to lose it.
Justin: I'm really sorry hon.
Me: What am I going to do?!?!?!?!
Justin: Dear, I realize that these are some very very serious problems you've got going on but I have to put out a newspaper.
Me: Well fine, can you put a reporter on the South Beach Bar shortage?
Me: Hello? Hello?
So dear readers, I implore you to find me some South Beach Cereal Bars (Cinnamon Raisin please). My mental health, my diet, my marriage and quite possibly your newspaper subscription depends on it. Thank you.