1. I consider goods from Target high-end merchandise.
2. I do not cart around small animals unless of course, you count my children.
3. My hands have not been manicured since 2003.
4. My social life happens at the T-ball field.
5. These days, I consider Applebees fine dining.
6. I don't have servants - I am the servant.
7. I consider two-buck Chuck from Trader Joes a luxury wine.
8. I roll in a swagger wagon.
9. My diamond is *gasp* a single carat.
10. I am my own hair and make-up team and I'm pretty sure I need to fire myself.