The Bra-llelujah

I believe that I need new bras. Now, sometimes I have trouble differentiating between what qualifies as a want and what qualifies as a need. But in this case, I think I've got it. 


The following list describes most of the bras I am currently wearing:


1. Some of the hooks are rusted or missing.


2. Its nude but I'm pretty sure it used to be white.


3. The underwire is now squeaking - I wish I was making this up but sometimes when I move it like, moans, like its begging for mercy.


4. The material is transparent and not in a sexy way but in a stretched-out nasty itching my nipple kind of way.


5.  It has snaps to unleash my boobs for feeding and my baby is now eating lunch meat. 


Yes, I need new bras - good bras. Now, I used to think that good bras meant Victoria's Secret. Pluuzzeee -  I have breasts that have been used and are now retired. Victoria's Secret is nothing but bells and whistles for ladies who parts haven't been sucked, sagged or worn out by three kids. 


I'm going with Spanx. Did you know they made bras? They also promise to banish back fat. Can you imagine any marketing campaign at Victoria's Secret including the words back fat? Don't think their angels could fly with back fat.

I figure any company whose primary purpose is to suck in fat and conceal lumps can handle breasts that are ready to be put out to pasture. Giddy-up.